Nomological Net

Stray thoughts from here and there. The occasional concern for construct validity. No more logic. Fish.


faults in the clouds of delusion

Sunday, November 23, 2008

MBA Lessons

Hey Kids!

Now that every other one of you is out of a job or soon to be out of one, your minds are naturally turning to that great socially-approved two year recess. So listen up and listen good to Uncle TR's Timely and Handy Tips for Surviving (And Thriving!) in Business School.

Lesson #1: Everyone around you is always spouting off. B-School does that to people. They're just like you inside, only, they've seen someone else spouting. But you wanna fit in, dontcha? So spout away!

Lesson #2: The correct answer always is "It depends". It's a good correct answer so make sure you use it well. Don't just leave it hanging out there like an exposed quarterback. Be careful to couch it in impressive MBA language such as Value, Option, Assessment, Optimize, Leverage, Put, Call, Chapter Eleven, and Touch Base. (PS. You have to learn to speak American now. 'Tailgate' is another useful word to know.)

Lesson #3 (which they don't tell you because the program lasts only 2 years): The correct response to the correct answer is: "On what?" Don't try this on someone who's been in the program for less than two years, unless you want to hear the entire MBA Lexicon churned up in Rank Order of Stochasticity.

Bonus lesson #4: If you ask Lesson #3 to someone in their first or second year, they will usually reply with some variant of "I haven't read the case". You should learn to say this too. It will make the two years go by much quicker.

That's all for now, folks. That will be 70,000 dollars (in Euros, please.) Yes, we accept Paypal, and as a special offer we're also accepting Citibank securities till Thanksgiving. (Or you may pledge to wash our car and fold our laundry after bringing it up from the basement -- that would be good too.) Happy Turkey Day!


Blogger km said...

"It depends". God, such a beautiful phrase. So simple and elegant in construction and yet holds the promise of more billing!

11/24/2008 12:31 AM  
Blogger Szerelem said...

I'm glad I am not applying to business school. And I'm hoping my recess lasts for more than 2 years.

Meh - I hate these applications.

11/24/2008 12:31 PM  
Blogger wildflower seed said...

Come now, MBA students are just Low Hanging Fruit. What next? Economists?

wv : strifes

11/24/2008 7:17 PM  
Blogger Tabula Rasa said...

billing! what beautiful term holds as much promise as the rest of montana!

careful what you ask for (see wfs' comment)!

we speak of that we know best (so maybe we should shut up asap!)

11/24/2008 8:45 PM  
Blogger wildflower seed said...


Or, as the sign in my local dog park says - "When you pick up your own pile, It makes everybody smile!"

11/24/2008 9:05 PM  
Blogger Szerelem said...

and I don't plan on becoming an economist either :P

11/24/2008 11:19 PM  
Blogger km said...

WFS: Henceforth, all my presentations will start with that slogan.

11/25/2008 12:36 AM  
Blogger Tabula Rasa said...



11/25/2008 9:43 PM  
Blogger Szerelem said...

thanks for providing me with my fb status of the day.

11/26/2008 1:15 PM  
Blogger Tabula Rasa said...

and now you need a new wardrobe.

11/26/2008 8:46 PM  

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